A retired Danville policeman got a bang out of his dinner this week. Apparently the ex-officer, John William Martin, 73, had stuck his pistol in the waistband of his pants before chowing down at a local seafood restaurant here. When he stood up, the gun discharged, shooting a bullet into the floor where it fragmented and wounded three people, one being Martin. So much for arming the citizenry to protect us.
However, in Baltimore this week, innocent bystanders were wounded by a gunman who fired randomly during a fight between two females. Some individuals were wounded, but one bystander was saved from injury by her Vera Bradley designer handbag, which took a bullet for her.
The Vera Bradley people are glad the woman is okay, and said their thoughts and prayers were with her and her family. To ease the pain of losing her VB handbag in the carnage, the Vera Bradley folks want to send her a replacement. How thoughtful!
Which brings me to my solution for stopping gun violence: Give everybody a Vera Bradley designer handbag.
Apparently they’re good at stopping bullets, and they come with a lifetime guarantee which includes gunshot damage. Plus, when not stopping bullets, they’re very stylish I’ve been told. This solution is bound to please both the NRA and the designer handbag industry, producing a win-win for everyone. Don’t thank me, I’m just glad I was able to help.